Something new... a video:
Week 12| Let it Be | Just Be an Observer
Another late post. Bri is traveling for work again this week after just getting back Friday night. I had a tough time remembering what my mantra was this past week. I know it was really long. I'll have to work on another one that's easier to think of. {Oh, and please skip the last part of this post if you're easily grossed out. Sorry.}
.......
I often think about the "lessons" I've learned from having the birth experience that I did, be it the life-threatening part of the ordeal or the things-sooo-didn't-go-as-hoped-for portion. I feel a strong pressure to recognize deep changes in myself, a newly acquired wisdom or something. I often come up disappointed from the search. But there is always one issue that comes up....
Tonight I was reading "Mothering Magazine," a publication that leans heavily to the breastfeeding, homebirthing side of the mothering spectrum. It has taken two years for me to open that publication again, and I was thinking about how I've very recently made peace with the whole thing, finding an emotional place where I can appreciate the articles that are meaningful in my life (like about 2 year olds refusing to take baths), and letting go of those that are no longer relevant, and that I have allowed myself to feel anger about. I've been able to laugh at some of the more self-righteous parts of the magazine, acknowledging my own immaturity at having been so self-righteous in my pursuit of the homebirth I'd always imagined and hoped for.
I had subscribed to Mothering before I even got pregnant, always excited to devour every last article on my right to nurse in public, "wearing" my baby 24-7 and the horrors of drug-assisted birth. But after my own birth dreams periled with the onset of HELLP Syndrome, my attitude toward Mothering totally changed and I found myself resenting the women who wrote articles like "Ring of Fire - Labor's Power Transforms Self-Restraint into Uncensored Creative Expression." I mean... "F you!!" my newly traumatized and angry self would say. I stopped reading the magazine and felt somewhat perturbed when I saw a copy of it at Whole Foods or on a friend's bedside table.
As I noticed that resentment coming up so strongly in me, I finally connected that with the fact that it's my own shadow trying to reveal itself to me. I was angry at these women for speaking out passionately, and sometimes even aggressively, about issues that they cared deeply about. Admittedly, I have lived a great deal of my life standing really high up on a very large soap box. And there are a great many issues that I care quite deeply about. (I can just hear those of you who know me well laughing out loud right now.) While I have taken pride in trying to be as nonjudgmental as possible, I've still felt entitled to tell the world what I think and feel about something, whether they've asked or not. I have felt "like myself" when expressing my passionate views about humanitarian concerns, politics, breastfeeding, dark, hoppy ales, whatever... like it's something I have to do in order to exist.
So maybe one of the great lessons of my experience 2 years ago is that I think I have finally learned to let things be. To let people have their opinions and passions and experiences and to just let things be. With the emotionally-charged healthcare debates taking over media attention lately, I guess this issue has been on my mind a little more. And then I was reading Mothering tonight, specifically an article about letting your newborn baby do the "breast crawl" and find its way to your nipple on its own. It's really hard for me to read about newborn stuff like that without getting carried away imagining what it must have been like for Gavin to come into this world after 30 hours of trauma and magnesium sulfate and pitocin... with an unconscious mother lying on an operating table, belly sliced open and dumping blood onto the floor, my insides splayed on a table nearby, arms outstretched, a ventilator pump pressuring my chest up and down, eyes taped shut.... Then to be whisked hurriedly away, not even able to feel his mother's touch, let alone be able to nurse, for 4 hours. It's just awful and it makes me cry still if I let my mind go there. I guess I'm still processing that because I'm not sure why I did have to let my mind and my blog go there just now.
Anyway. I'm going to focus this week on my newly acquired and developing ability to let things be.
Week 12
Mantra | Let it Be
Action | Just be an observer
.......
I often think about the "lessons" I've learned from having the birth experience that I did, be it the life-threatening part of the ordeal or the things-sooo-didn't-go-as-hoped-for portion. I feel a strong pressure to recognize deep changes in myself, a newly acquired wisdom or something. I often come up disappointed from the search. But there is always one issue that comes up....
Tonight I was reading "Mothering Magazine," a publication that leans heavily to the breastfeeding, homebirthing side of the mothering spectrum. It has taken two years for me to open that publication again, and I was thinking about how I've very recently made peace with the whole thing, finding an emotional place where I can appreciate the articles that are meaningful in my life (like about 2 year olds refusing to take baths), and letting go of those that are no longer relevant, and that I have allowed myself to feel anger about. I've been able to laugh at some of the more self-righteous parts of the magazine, acknowledging my own immaturity at having been so self-righteous in my pursuit of the homebirth I'd always imagined and hoped for.
I had subscribed to Mothering before I even got pregnant, always excited to devour every last article on my right to nurse in public, "wearing" my baby 24-7 and the horrors of drug-assisted birth. But after my own birth dreams periled with the onset of HELLP Syndrome, my attitude toward Mothering totally changed and I found myself resenting the women who wrote articles like "Ring of Fire - Labor's Power Transforms Self-Restraint into Uncensored Creative Expression." I mean... "F you!!" my newly traumatized and angry self would say. I stopped reading the magazine and felt somewhat perturbed when I saw a copy of it at Whole Foods or on a friend's bedside table.
As I noticed that resentment coming up so strongly in me, I finally connected that with the fact that it's my own shadow trying to reveal itself to me. I was angry at these women for speaking out passionately, and sometimes even aggressively, about issues that they cared deeply about. Admittedly, I have lived a great deal of my life standing really high up on a very large soap box. And there are a great many issues that I care quite deeply about. (I can just hear those of you who know me well laughing out loud right now.) While I have taken pride in trying to be as nonjudgmental as possible, I've still felt entitled to tell the world what I think and feel about something, whether they've asked or not. I have felt "like myself" when expressing my passionate views about humanitarian concerns, politics, breastfeeding, dark, hoppy ales, whatever... like it's something I have to do in order to exist.
So maybe one of the great lessons of my experience 2 years ago is that I think I have finally learned to let things be. To let people have their opinions and passions and experiences and to just let things be. With the emotionally-charged healthcare debates taking over media attention lately, I guess this issue has been on my mind a little more. And then I was reading Mothering tonight, specifically an article about letting your newborn baby do the "breast crawl" and find its way to your nipple on its own. It's really hard for me to read about newborn stuff like that without getting carried away imagining what it must have been like for Gavin to come into this world after 30 hours of trauma and magnesium sulfate and pitocin... with an unconscious mother lying on an operating table, belly sliced open and dumping blood onto the floor, my insides splayed on a table nearby, arms outstretched, a ventilator pump pressuring my chest up and down, eyes taped shut.... Then to be whisked hurriedly away, not even able to feel his mother's touch, let alone be able to nurse, for 4 hours. It's just awful and it makes me cry still if I let my mind go there. I guess I'm still processing that because I'm not sure why I did have to let my mind and my blog go there just now.
Anyway. I'm going to focus this week on my newly acquired and developing ability to let things be.
Week 12
Mantra | Let it Be
Action | Just be an observer
Week 11 | Go Placidly | Find 30 seconds a day to be silent and aware
I was sick all weekend, so I'm just now catching up with my post. Which also means I'll be hurriedly typing as opposed to drawing/writing.
Week 10 was a great excuse to watch all of the episodes of 30 Rock I've missed, among other funny shows. What did you do?
This week I keep thinking of the opening line from Max Ehrman's 1952 "Desiderata" - "Go placidly amid the noise and haste." I am going to go ahead and borrow it this week. Thanks, Max!
Week 11:
Mantra | Go placidly amid the noise and haste
Action | Find 30 seconds a day to be silent and aware
Here's the whole thing if you'd like to read it:
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive [Her] to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.
Week 10 was a great excuse to watch all of the episodes of 30 Rock I've missed, among other funny shows. What did you do?
This week I keep thinking of the opening line from Max Ehrman's 1952 "Desiderata" - "Go placidly amid the noise and haste." I am going to go ahead and borrow it this week. Thanks, Max!
Week 11:
Mantra | Go placidly amid the noise and haste
Action | Find 30 seconds a day to be silent and aware
Here's the whole thing if you'd like to read it:
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive [Her] to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.
Some things that have been making me laugh..
One of the greatest things my wonderful husband has taught me is that humor does not have to be at the expense of someone else. He's also probably the only really, really funny person I know who has the superhuman skill of being hilarious without ever, ever making fun of someone (other than a little self-deprecation from time to time).
Here is a great self-taken photo of him being funny, and this is one of many things that made me laugh out loud yesterday. (A little background, the book he's reading just came out and they asked readers to send in photos of themselves reading it.)
And, although it goes against Brian's philosophy entirely, I can't help myself. Awkward Family Photos is always good for a laugh. (Especially this one and this one and this one.) Here are a couple of my own awkward family photos for your enjoyment. (Pardon the graininess - these were made from old slides. And to my relatives, I apologize for posting without your permission, but am sure the laugh you'll have will make up for it.)
Here is a great self-taken photo of him being funny, and this is one of many things that made me laugh out loud yesterday. (A little background, the book he's reading just came out and they asked readers to send in photos of themselves reading it.)
And, although it goes against Brian's philosophy entirely, I can't help myself. Awkward Family Photos is always good for a laugh. (Especially this one and this one and this one.) Here are a couple of my own awkward family photos for your enjoyment. (Pardon the graininess - these were made from old slides. And to my relatives, I apologize for posting without your permission, but am sure the laugh you'll have will make up for it.)
Week 10 | Seek Humor | Go on a Search for Something Funny Every Day
I am taking a break from typing.. it's just not my thing.
(If you get these posts via email, you probably have to visit the actual blog to read my post since it's an image...)
You can double click on the image below to open it in a larger version in another tab.
Report what you find in the comment section!!! :)
(If you get these posts via email, you probably have to visit the actual blog to read my post since it's an image...)
You can double click on the image below to open it in a larger version in another tab.
Report what you find in the comment section!!! :)
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