Okay, okay. I know that last week's mantra/action was a little nebulous. Did any of you try it? How did it work out for you? I loved it so much, probably because it was so nebulous :), that I am going to continue the mantra into this week. Nevermind that it's Valentine's Day.
For me, this mantra worked like a mental pause. Whenever I felt stressed or angry or impatient, which are some pretty common feelings for me, I used this mantra to trigger mindfulness.
I really thought that I would remember the times this week when my "start with love" mantra worked especially well, but I'm having a hard time thinking of them right now. Let's see. I definitely used it every morning when Gavin's voice woke me up. (I never set an alarm. Morning sleep is too precious, and I sleep til the very second when he wakes up.) Of course, it was easier on the days when I woke up to "Come and get me out of the crib, Mommy!" than the days when I awoke to all-out wailing. "Start with love" sure helped me turn too-early morning grumpiness into the love and joy that I want to start every day with! I used the mantra in lots of other situations too, including some frustrating traffic and snow related situations. I even used it as a grounding mantra before starting sessions with clients.
This week, I am going to add the action of "feeling your heart."
Sometime after emerging from my postpartum depression, about a year and a half ago, I noticed that I can't feel my heart like I used to. I mean, I used to really feel a strong and powerful physical sensation in the area where my heart is, my heart space. I felt it when I had strong positive emotions. I felt it all the time, really. I lived my life based on the feelings in my heart. But now, for as long as I can remember in my new reality, I don't feel much of anything there. That's not to say that I don't feel love. That's a different sensation. But there's just a depth of feeling missing in my life that I used to have. It's interesting to think about how I have had weird heart pains in the past several months. The pains have been sharp and worrisome, but my doctor says it's the PTSD lingering and causing anxiety. Maybe it's my heart screaming to me to get back in touch and to feel it again. I'm listening.
Sometimes I do a heart space meditation, where I sit quietly with my hand over my heart, breathe deeply, and try to imagine the space where my heart is. I used to be able to go to a whimsical, vibrant world within myself, but for a long time it's been kind of dark and empty there. Ugh. This sounds so depressing, and I'm terrible at writing about my feelings. It's not like I feel unloved or like I don't love. I am madly in love with my husband and my son. I love all kinds of people and colors and moods and songs and images and ideas. Maybe I need to start drawing and painting my blog posts. Actually, that's not a bad idea.
Ok. One more thing. I am hoping to do a guided meditation every night before bed that focuses on my heart space. Have I told you yet about Meditation Oasis? It's a free meditation podcast you can find on Itunes. I love it! There are several heart-themed meditations there. This means I'll have to get upstairs to the bedroom a little earlier than usual... this is going to be tough.
Week 7
Mantra: Start with Love
Action: Feel Your Heart
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