If you didn't get a chance to watch the video that I posted (and still highly recommend that you watch), here's the short of it. Brene Brown has been studying connection, empathy, shame and vulnerability for the last decade. She's come up with a way of framing her work that I like, and it's based on research. It goes like this:
If you think of a spectrum, with Connection and Empathy on one side, and Shame and Fear on the other, then Vulnerability is the dial that moves between them. Here. I'll make a quick drawing:
Brene talks about "whole-hearted people" allowing themselves to be vulnerable, as in open, self-aware, and comfortable with their imperfections. So within her framework, connection can only happen when you move toward whole-heartedness in this way. If you exist in your own thoughts, caught up in fears or in shame, it will be very difficult to feel connection.
I've been trying to dissect myself within this framework over the past week. I don't come from a very shame-based place, so I have been focusing on fear. What fears am I aware that I sink into, as well as what fears may be lurking within my unconscious. I do feel like I am pretty vulnerable, as in open, self-aware and accepting of my imperfections. But in my quest for continued self-awareness/vulnerability and increased connection, I am still searching for what else I need to work on. Am I stuck along the spectrum on not fully accepting all of my imperfections? Are there imperfections that I fear admitting? Or is it just that I fear admitting imperfections at all? I am acutely aware of my overcompensating need to be competent, capable, and smart. So if I can let myself be seen as imperfect, if I can tell the truth about myself faster, will I feel more connected?
And a side note I've been thinking about is that she talks about the message we need to give our children, "You are imperfect. Human life is filled with struggles. But you are worthy of love and belonging." I think I got that last part, but not so sure about the first two statements... the root of my problem being imperfect? Seriously, comment.
2 comments:
Love this post. Very timely in my life. I'm on the path of trying to become more self aware and trying to find a comfortable place in my imperfections.
I've been writing 1 word a week on my mirror that I want to be more of. I talk about the word with Trey and he calls me out during the week if I forget. Amazing what kids can offer when you show them that you are not perfect and need help just like they do.
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