Week 20 was good. Did you do one thing you've been meaning to? Brian got me a journal and Sharpies for Christmas and I had only drawn in it once! I got that out the other night and it was so great to lose myself in drawing, something that I need and just don't do. Ever. I also did some charitable giving that I've been meaning to do. Felt good.
This past Sunday was the Promise Walk to raise money and awareness for the Preeclampsia Foundation. After the battle to get a two year old dressed and agreeably in the car seat and a drive to Hyde Park, we were 45 minutes late for the walk. We were also juggling a simultaneous visit with my childhood best friend, Bree, who was in town from Oakland. I hadn't seen her since I was 37 weeks pregnant, about the same time I was starting to get sick. It was a wonderful thing to hug her, and to watch her playing with my son, and to be able to look around and see the smiling faces of all of the children who survived preeclampsia. But there wasn't much time to be alone with my feelings. It was easy to do what I so often have to do - block out the memory of what happened to us in order to just keep living. At one point, I was walking along the path on my own, and I finally let myself just be. And I looked around at all of the women and families and children. I made eye contact with some of the women whose stories I know. I let myself feel the sadness and the fear and the anger that goes along with what we've all experienced. I cried under my sunglasses for a little while, then put on a smile and helped my son climb a tree. Life moves on.
But I've been thinking about gratitude a lot. I do feel grateful a lot of the time, but I would like to be more conscious about it. So this will be a week for gratitude.
Week 21
Mantra | Be Grateful
Action | Notice and write down one thing every day that you're grateful for
Week 20 | It's Never Too Late | Do One Thing You've Been Meaning To Do
I have really been trying to post every week by Monday night. Here it is Wednesday night, almost Thursday morning. So .. let's see. What makes sense?
Week 20
Mantra | It's Never Too Late
Action | Do One Thing You've Been Meaning to Do
Week 20
Mantra | It's Never Too Late
Action | Do One Thing You've Been Meaning to Do
Week 19 | Let Your Radiance Shine | Practice Random Acts of Sunshine
This post is a little belated. Sorry!
Boy, last week's action was a challenge! I was not able to go one day without a complaint. I will keep working on it. Instead of the purple bracelet that Will Bowen recommends, I'm using a ring that I switch between fingers every time I complain. It's a great tool! I actually went one day with only two complaints. I'll let you know if I make it one whole complaint-free day! Did anyone else try it?
Part of why I am late in my posting this week is because I haven't been inspired with a mantra like I usually am. Until this morning. Lately, it's been very gray and cloudy in Chicago. I tend to be very affected by the weather, especially gray skies. When I was drinking my tea this morning I noticed that the paper attached to the tea bag string had a message. It said, "Let people bask in your radiance and sunshine." It instantly made the gray skies seem less drab. It also reminded me of the many talks my mom had with me as a kid about stopping my negative energy and letting my radiance shine. So, here we go!
Week 19
Mantra | Let Your Radiance Shine
Action | Practice random acts of sunshine
Boy, last week's action was a challenge! I was not able to go one day without a complaint. I will keep working on it. Instead of the purple bracelet that Will Bowen recommends, I'm using a ring that I switch between fingers every time I complain. It's a great tool! I actually went one day with only two complaints. I'll let you know if I make it one whole complaint-free day! Did anyone else try it?
Part of why I am late in my posting this week is because I haven't been inspired with a mantra like I usually am. Until this morning. Lately, it's been very gray and cloudy in Chicago. I tend to be very affected by the weather, especially gray skies. When I was drinking my tea this morning I noticed that the paper attached to the tea bag string had a message. It said, "Let people bask in your radiance and sunshine." It instantly made the gray skies seem less drab. It also reminded me of the many talks my mom had with me as a kid about stopping my negative energy and letting my radiance shine. So, here we go!
Week 19
Mantra | Let Your Radiance Shine
Action | Practice random acts of sunshine
Week 18 | Stop Complaining | Offer Solutions Instead of Grievances
OK. I took more than one thing off my list last week and it felt great! That was a good one.
Last Thursday night, Bri and I got a sitter and went on a date! We went to Flourish Studios (where I started my practice) and saw Will Bowen speak about his Complaint Free World Movement. First of all, let me say that I am grateful for having a husband willing to spend date night at such an event! We left feeling inspired to be more positive and to try the challenge to stop complaining.
It is really hard. (By the way, statements of fact are not complaints.)
Week 18
Mantra | Stop Complaining
Action | Offer Solutions Instead of Grievances
Last Thursday night, Bri and I got a sitter and went on a date! We went to Flourish Studios (where I started my practice) and saw Will Bowen speak about his Complaint Free World Movement. First of all, let me say that I am grateful for having a husband willing to spend date night at such an event! We left feeling inspired to be more positive and to try the challenge to stop complaining.
It is really hard. (By the way, statements of fact are not complaints.)
Week 18
Mantra | Stop Complaining
Action | Offer Solutions Instead of Grievances
Week 17 | Go Easy | Take One Thing Off Your List
Is it just me? Or is everything busier and crazier than usual? There's that end-of-the-school-year feeling for one thing, a combination of burnout and spring fever. I'm pretty sure there's a full moon. Anyway, it feels like a good time to go easy.
Week 17
Mantra | Go Easy
Action (or Non-action) | Take One Thing Off Your To-Do List This Week
Week 17
Mantra | Go Easy
Action (or Non-action) | Take One Thing Off Your To-Do List This Week
The Silver Lining
Here are some notes from my silver lining journal this week...
- We have a village. With Brian gone for the past 2 weeks, our amazing support system kicked in and we had so many offers for dinner and playdates and sitting, way more offers than we could accept! Thanks, village!! Thanks especially to the Green Bean, Bama, the Carrolls, the Hilt-Diehls, and the Blounts!
- Unexpected time to slow down is a gift. I had a client who forgot her session on Wed., allowing me an hour to check email and eat dinner between sessions! I usually have 7 straight clients from 2:30 on, and it's nice to have an unexpected break to put my feet up and enjoy my office space and some food.
- Grandparents are grand. Gavin got to see Bama (my mom) who came up on the bus and stayed for 2 nights. They have such a special relationship and don't get to spend enough time with each other. It's kinda nice when not-so-easy circumstances force an unexpected visit.
- Asking for help is life-affirming. Yes, I tend to take on way too much, and to do it alone. I have developed a really strong sense of having to do things myself if I want anything to get done. But times like the past two weeks push me to reach out for help when I normally wouldn't. It reminds me that asking for help invites positive energy into your life, and opens you up to all kinds of wonderful experiences and connections. Asking for help reminds you of the spirit of life and the oneness we share with all people and things!
- Bonding time with my son. Gavin and I felt really close to each other and bonded in a new way like a little team of 2. It was really something. I love that small fry.
- I am in love with my husband. Having a renewed feeling of "love at first sight" when Bri finally got home 14 days after he left. I opened the door and we both smiled from ear-to-ear like the lovestruck dreamers we were when we met. (Btw, how do refugees, immigrants, international volunteers, military people, etc. handle long distance marriage?)
- Wood is worth the wait. Brian found the engagement ring in London that I've been dreaming of for nearly 6 years! It's a simple wooden band ring. We looked all over and people thought we were nuts when we'd ask at street fairs and in jewelry shops! Then we finally found some but they were ridiculously expensive. Well, at the Camden Markets he discovered wooden bands and got me the most beautiful one that even fits my ring finger perfectly! I love it! I feel so grounded when I have wood against my skin.
- Making Peace with Sadness. I watched an episode of Parenthood online and there was a birth scene. You know the one. Where the fully-gowned mother is lying on her back with a strained and sweaty face and out pops a clean baby who immediately cries and then gets handed to the mother, who bonds instantaneously, adoring her baby who is surely about to nurse perfectly and will soon be whisked home for happily ever after. Well, after I had the birth experience that I had, I used to cry every time I saw any kind of birth moment, as ridiculously unrealistic as it might be, the very second that the baby is handed to the mother. It was more pain than I could take thinking about how Gavin did not have anything like that, but rather a quite traumatic and motherless experience. After a while, I think I started numbing my emotions about it, pretending I was getting over it, and that time was in fact healing some of that pain. I don't know how long it's been since I've watched a birth scene, or what my reaction was most recently, but it's been a really long time since I've felt the raw emotions of that pain in not giving my son that kind of start to his life. When I saw this show, with its 20 second birth scene, I cried so hard. It was good. It was sad. It was real. It's been a while since I let myself have those really deeply sad feelings about Gavin's first hours. And as I cried, I was able to make peace with the wisdom that sadness just is. And it can just be. And I don't have to change it or ignore it. And some things will be sad forever, and that's okay.
Week 16 | Find the Silver Lining | Keep a journal of finding hope amid difficulty
I am veering off-track from my original plan for this week. You see, Brian left for London for work early on the morning of the 10th. He is stuck there indefinitely because of the volcanic ash situation. Talk about an exercise in patience. The first blow when he called to say he couldn't leave last Thursday wasn't so bad. I thought about "keeping calm and carrying on" and just dealt with it a day at a time. But then the next call came letting me know that he might leave Monday. That's today. Didn't happen. He's booked on a flight for FRIDAY. But, guess what? I just saw on the news that the volcano is getting worse and I fear that he won't make it out this week.
It's going on 11 days apart and I can't stand it. The longest we've ever been apart since meeting 6 years ago was for about 11 days when his band went on tour a week and a half after we met. I couldn't stand it then either.
Brian's patience and sense of humor have been admirable. He's helping us stay calm and get through. He's the one who's stuck living in a hotel in a city he doesn't know with 4 days worth of clothes. We keep looking for the silver lining in all of this. Nothing profound to write just yet, but maybe it will come. So that's the theme this week.. silver linings.
If every cloud has a silver lining......
Wow.
Week 16
Mantra | Find the Silver Lining
Action | Keep a journal all week of finding hope amid difficulty
ps - Thanks for coming up tomorrow, Mom!!!
It's going on 11 days apart and I can't stand it. The longest we've ever been apart since meeting 6 years ago was for about 11 days when his band went on tour a week and a half after we met. I couldn't stand it then either.
Brian's patience and sense of humor have been admirable. He's helping us stay calm and get through. He's the one who's stuck living in a hotel in a city he doesn't know with 4 days worth of clothes. We keep looking for the silver lining in all of this. Nothing profound to write just yet, but maybe it will come. So that's the theme this week.. silver linings.
If every cloud has a silver lining......
Wow.
Week 16
Mantra | Find the Silver Lining
Action | Keep a journal all week of finding hope amid difficulty
ps - Thanks for coming up tomorrow, Mom!!!
Walk with Me!
If you're around Chicago, and you're interested in supporting the cause of raising awareness and money for preeclampsia, please join me and my family and friends in the Promise Walk by the lakefront on the morning of Sunday, May 23. If you sign up, our team is "+ Intention" and you can go directly to my page here. If the walk isn't your thing, no big deal! I also don't want anyone to feel pressured about giving money to this cause. But if you are someone whose charitable giving includes helping babies and women, then the cause of preeclampsia awareness and research is aligned well with your interests. "Globally, preeclampsia and other hypertensive disorders of pregnancy are a leading cause of maternal and infant illness and death. By conservative estimates, these disorders are responsible for 76,000 maternal and 500,000 infant deaths each year."-Preeclampsia Foundation
Time (The Revelator)
Just thinkin' about a song that I love. The first time I heard it Brian and I were at a bluegrass festival at Stern Grove in the Sunset District in San Francisco. It was a few years since I'd moved from SF to Chicago, and being at Stern Grove surrounded by the eucalyptus trees made me feel like myself. And there I was with the newfound love of my life in this magical place hearing this magical song for the first time. I love it. And I think it's fitting for this blog and what I'm trying to express and process here. Here ya go - Gillian Welch singing "Time (the Revelator)."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)